If this, the 99th season of the Perkiomen Valley Twilight League, were a reality show, it might just send the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" to the ratings showers, unload Kim Kardashian to Harleysville for future considerations and designate Snooki for assignment.
As the league kicks off its newest campaign Monday, roster changes - and the intrigue behind them - are one of the hot topics for discussion.
While it's not quite the news worthy of "Entertainment Tonight," it's pretty juicy stuff - and without the paparazzi.
Consider, last year's league Most Valuable Player has changed teams. Two of the top three pitchers in last season's Pitcher of the Year chase may or may not take the mound this season.
And one of last season's playoff finalists have deliberately undergone major personnel changes.
In the spirit of all that is delish, here's the dish.
Rocky Ferrier, he of the league-leading .466 batting average and possessor of the MVP hardware, has departed Ambler and will be part of the upstart Lansdale Tigers, a team that has upgraded considerably after last year's fifth-place finish.
Alas, as many tongues have been wagging over the move and back room shady dealings have been inferred, the transaction, it appears, was merely a matter of geography.
"I'm not happy to see Rocky or Mike (the Ferrier to Lansdale move was a package deal including brother Mike) leave, they play baseball the way it should be played," said Ambler manager Marty Eckert. "They called me early, and said they couldn't get out of their jobs until 5:30, so that they had to play for a team that played under the lights.
"I released them amicably."
"I fully understand the MVP switching teams has the possibility of rubbing people the wrong way," said first-year Lansdale manager Kevin McCann, "so we made sure everything was handled the right way.
"And I have nothing but the utmost respect for Marty and the way he handled the situation."
OK, maybe that item wasn't the stuff of front page splashes.
But how about the fact that returning Pitcher of the Year, Zeb Engle of Collegeville, will likely not take his regular turn in the rotation for the four-time returning champs?
Pretty fishy, eh?
"I know Zeb's coaching, and he's working and he's vacationing," said Black Sox skipper Bob Letter. "But if that's what he chooses to do, he's certainly earned the right."
All right, maybe there's nothing shady in The Engle Impasse, but surely there's something sinister in the fact that former Pitcher of the Year, Mike Caron, who finished third in the voting for that award a season ago, is not rostered for a Perky team this season.
Right, Vince Elsier?
"Actually, Mike told me he has young children he wants to spend more time with," Elsier said, "and he just isn't interested in throwing right now," Elsier said. "He may wind up on a roster before the season's over, but for now he wants to spend more time at home."
OK, last but not least, there's gotta be some dirt involving Norristown making considerable roster changes to a team that made it all the way to the finals a year ago.
Maybe some harsh words, or verbal threats or perhaps even some hand throwing?
"We just needed to get younger," Elsier said. "We had to start bringing in some young players who want to play instead of players playing when they wanted to."
Alas, some real drama. All right, leave it up to good ol' Vince to get that rumor mill churning.
See, nothing like some good, hardnosed Perky intrigue to get Season No. 99 started, eh?
COLLEGEVILLE
The four-time champs seek consecutive title numero cinco with a lot of familiar names, but also a new home - Ursinus College.
With Engle's contribution decidedly sporadic for the time being, the Sox will rely on returning hurlers Jordan Carter and Alex Faust, along with both Scott and Steve Young and newcomers Jim Calabrese and Cody Hudnall, both of Delaware Valley College.
Offensively, it's the usual crew of table setters Matt Altieri and Andrew Miller hitting in front of RBI guys Lenny DelGrippo, Jon McGlone and Jason Connor.
"I think you'll also see young guys like Clayton Harwick and Tyler Kirkpatrick getting more playing time and a bigger role," Letter said.
AMBLER
Shed no tears for the Rebels, who after last year's Phoenix-like rise, find themselves minus the aforementioned Rocky Ferrier and the valuable Drew Frankenfield (now at Trooper).
In their stead, the Rebs brought in catcher Chris Jeffers from Lansdale and added the young bats of newcomers Joe Yannessa, Kyle McCrossen, Aaron Novak and Montco standouts Anthony Pletscher and Tyler Phifer as run producers to complement the pitching duo of Zach Wasson and Jay Kluka.
Question marks include a reliable third starter (Could Ambler be a landing spot should Caron decide to return?) and a little more lineup depth.
"I hope to God we find a third starter," said manager Marty Eckert, "but I think we're OK. As usual we'll be introducing ourselves in the dugout in the first week, but we'll be fine."
NORRISTOWN
Yes, the Diamonds will look considerably different. But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
"I didn't have much input on last year's roster," Elsier said. "My fingerprints are on this team, and I'm excited."
Selected veterans like Mark Roth, Matt Sperling, Javier Barreto and Tony DeLude will be back, but the core of the team will be its imports, headed by former Spring-Ford star southpaw and San Francisco Giants farmhand Craig Clark, six-foot-eight pitcher and former Kansas City Royals product Dave Henninger on the mound and the likes of utility man Dan Hull, shortstop Josh Heyne (West Chester) and catcher Brandon Wolfe (West Chester) around the diamond (no pun intended).
"Our additions are real good baseball players," Elsier said. "I'm excited."
SKIPPACK
Wranglers manager Jeff Murtha has built his club in the old-fashioned Perky way, putting together a core of young, solid players, keeping that core together and then adding valuable pieces each season.
This year, Skippack and Murtha are ready to take the next step and make some playoff noise.
Talented holdovers Tom Mahoney, Jason Brooke, Mark Romano and Todd Rubendall will be joined by hot-hitting infielder Ricky Gorrell (Kutztown) and corner outfielder Sean Saverio (La Salle). Catcher Matt Albaugh will be back after spending last year in a quality summer league, and the Wranglers are likely looking at a full season from offensive threat Joe Casselberry.
Pitcher Colin Taylor returns after a year's respite to bolster a solid pitching staff.
"If our players want it, they can get it," Murtha said. "But we know it all goes through Collegeville. They're the standard in the league."
LANSDALE
The Tigers were already pretty talented, with the likes of All-League shortstop Jason Mills and All-League pitcher Kevin Christy in tow. But add the likes of returning MVP Rocky Ferrier, former Orioles farmhand Andrew Huebner, University of Rhode Island pitching standout Mike Bradstreet, standout center fielder Austin Ley (Gwynedd-Mercy) and talented catcher Jordan Premick and Lansdale looks pretty dangerous.
The talent haul is courtesy of first-year manager Kevin McCann, who for the past two-plus seasons has served as the league secretary. But his passion is baseball, and he has contacted many of his newcomers through the fall league that he runs.
"I'm just happy to be part of the Perky League," said McCann, a one-time Perky player. "To me, it's the best league of this kind around."
As for his upcoming managerial debut?
"I'm nervous as hell, but real excited," he said.
POTTSTOWN
After taking the league by storm in their inaugural season, the Spartans took a step backwards a year ago.
But there's still plenty of ability, starting with the offense provided by batting champion runner-up Tom DeAngelis, Josh Martin, James Nash, Tyler Russ and Ben Gresh and the arms of Matt Dean and Jason Ferrie.
TROOPER
The Tribe's biggest off-season news was losing the ace of their staff, Randy Mower, who for the moment has decided not to pitch in the league this season.
Manager Brian Hartsell is hoping newcomer John Pedorenko (Immaculata) can pick up some of the slack on the mound, while incoming outfielder Mitchell Bennett (Case Western) and Drew Frankenfield, late of Ambler, add some lineup punch.
All-League catcher John Swarr, Hartsell, Mike Boyland and Joe Conaway are among the offensive holdovers. JP Harris and Tom Urban are among the returnees on the mound.
NOR-GWYN
The Packers were another club that lit up the "Transactions" column in the off-season, with outfielder Mike Villari, pitcher Phil Rummell and outfielder Eric Lewandowski coming over from Lansdale, while newcomers Ryan Dolan, infielder Tyler Freeman and pitchers Tom Harper (Johns Hopkins) and Joe Parisi should perk up the Hostelley faithful.
Add that crowd to returnees Matt Blazynski, Darryl Clark, Michael Knipe and pitchers Beau Zeigler and Jack McGinley, and the Pack has a chance to be one of the league's most improved teams.
"I'm probably as optimistic as I've been since I've been at Nor-Gwyn," said manager Tony (Pep) DiBricida. "It's just a matter of how much the guys want it."
KING OF PRUSSIA
The Cannons are back for another shot at playoff contention with few major changes from last year's club.
Holdovers Andrew Beshenich, Gary Rowan, Jason Blain and Josh Walcoby and pitcher Nick Hinkson are among those hoping to bring the Perky postseason back to Upper Merion High School.
VALLEY FORGE
The Bucks used to be the Angels, who used to be the Pirates, who used to be ...
Well, you get the idea.
But with a new home (King of Prussia's Heuser Park), a new mascot (the Buck) and new uniforms, Valley Forge is looking to forge (no pun intended) a new identity.
"I'm very excited about the season," said team owner Mike Fazio. "I feel like it's a fresh start. Heuser Park is the place I wanted to play in, we'll be playing some night games. I'm real happy where we are as a team."
Along with holdovers Nick Bucha, Fazio, pitcher Mike McMonagle and Andre Solomon, Fazio is thrilled with the acquistions of shortstop Jack Kavetski, an All-Conference performer at DeSales, and catcher/outfielder Eric Rossi, a standout out of Eastern.
Matt Day, returning after a year's absence, and Eric Honick should fortify the pitching staff.